I asked my kids yesterday if they knew what our family rules were.  My seven years old answered “Be nice” and my five year old said “Don’t hit”.  You can obviously see what they have heard most often.  :-)  The more we talked about it seems that we do have a lot of little rules but they all boil down to one really BIG one:  RESPECT.  (If I could only figure out how to play the song on my web site!)

            We are ultimately trying to teach our children to respect themselves and have respect for other people, their thoughts, things, space and time.  Yes, this is a massive concept (even for some adults) but when we break it down into small, age appropriate, lessons it amazingly starts to sink in.  For example: My two and a half year old learning that it is disrespectful to throw her brothers toys.  My five year old is learning that he needs to respect his older brother’s space (the top bunk bed), even though they share a room.  And my seven year old is learning that he needs to respect Mom and Dad’s time in the evening when he’s supposed to be in bed.

            It just wouldn’t be a normal day without having to remind our children to respect each other in some way, shape, or form.  Our boys don’t always get along, I know big shocker, but we try to teach them that the other person isn’t a “Dummy Head” just because they don’t agree with you.  We talk to them about how it is disrespectful to call people names, and even if you don’t agree with them you still need to respect their opinion.  At this point my five year old remembers the “don’t call people names” part, but my seven year old is starting to remember the part about respecting others opinions.

            When one of our kids gets ‘caught’ being disrespectful I try phrase it exactly like that.  “Stop.  You’re being disrespectful when you ____________.”  I’m sure you can fill in the blank.  When it comes to doling out the consequences of their poor choice, we usually default to the time out spot to let them calm down and think about what would have been a better choice (see previous posts about time out).  Sometimes that doesn’t weight heavy enough in their minds and they keep “forgetting” about choosing the right.  So we have other creative ways of reminding them.  For example: When my seven year old called his brother “stupid” he had to turn right around apologize, and give three reasons why he loves his brother.  The result: Ego boost to the little brother and a nice reminder to the older brother about why he really does love his little brother.  Another example was the time my five year old broke his little sister’s toy.  He had to go find a toy of his, that she would like, and give it to her, permanently, to make up for it.

            Between all the whining and complaining, and especially the rolling of the eyes, when I talk about respect, I do hope and pray that my kids will learn to be respectful at a young age.  One can only hope that they make enough poor choices as kids when the consequences are small and affordable.

My four year old is all too familiar with our time out spot.  I pretty sure he’s worn an indention in the floor where he sits to think about his choices that led him there.  With my seven year old the time out spot became a total joke until we added the time out sheet.  Our time out sheet has questions on it like;  Why do you think you are in time out?  If you broke a rule what rule was it?  What could you do differently next time?  I love the time out sheet because it really makes him think about what happened as he fills it out.  He holds himself accountable for his own choices and realizes the consequences.

As much as the time out spot has become a staple so has the hug and apology that follows (usually to the little sister).  If for nothing else, time out is a place where the kids can calm down before they return to play.  But sometimes it’s not the kids who need the time out. 

Around 5:00pm (the bewitching hour for my kids) I reach the end of my patience.  Between cooking dinner, getting ready for my dance class and trying to keep my kids out of the snack cupboard, I loose it!  So instead of throwing my kids out the window, I just loudly announce that mommy has to go to time out.  Of course my kids look at me like I’ve lost my marbles, but it’s effective, and I head out the door to the garage.  In our garage I have a large punching bag called “Mommy’s Sanity”.  For some reason beating the crap out of the punching bag  for two minutes seems to return me to my kids in a much better state of mind and I feel like I can cope for a little while longer, or at least till my husband gets home.

So whether it’s in the garage, or in a bathroom with a lock on the door, Mommy’s (and Daddy’s) need their own time outs too.  It’s just too bad time out couldn’t always be at the spa.