The Favorite Child
The other day I got caught by my 22 month old daughter when I was sneaking some chocolate covered raisins from the candy cupboard. Side note: The whole cupboard isn’t filled with candy, like I wish it was, it’s just where we keep it out of reach from little hands. My daughter immediately begged for one in her cute little voice “Want one!” I was going to say no until I realized she would scream and cry, which would alert the rest of the kids as to what I was doing. So of course I was going to give her one. As I bent down to give her one I smiled and jokingly said “Are you the favorite child?” She grinned and quickly answered back “I da favorite!”
Luckily none of my other kiddos were around to hear our little exchange and it made me pause and think, is she my favorite? If my older kids had asked for a piece of candy would I have given them some? No. Why hadn’t I told her no? Was it because I favored her over my other kids?
I have to admit that there have been times when I have had fleeting thoughts of who was my favorite, or my least favorite. I know, I know. It sounds cruel, but really the word ‘favorite’ is just the wrong word to use. If I only had one child then, yes, favorite would be the right word to use. But since I have four it just doesn’t apply. Those moments of “favorite or least favorite” were actually more moments of favorite or least favorite phase. Examples of least favorite include potty training, tantrums, and when they learn to sass back and slam doors. On the other hand. My favorite phases include when they love to give you hugs and kisses all the time, when they find their creative side and cover the fridge with drawings, and about the age of 6-9 months, when they can usually sit up, giggle and play but they’re not yet mobile. Between four kids one, two or three of them might be in any given phase at the same time. Unfortunately, when three of them are in my least favorite phases all at the same time, it might seem like that the last one is the “favorite child”. Which is funny to think about because it’s usually that child who doesn’t get as much attention over all. Definitely not conducive to the favorite child theory.
Sometimes I wonder if my kids think that one child might be my favorite because they think that I love that child more than I love them. Which is very sad to think about, yet understandible when you are a five year old boy sitting in time out watching Mommy hug the three year old daughter (with the owie inflicted by the five year old). It might seem as though that child is more loved and therefore the favorite. Obviously that’s just not true, because as soon as the five year old is done in time out and talked with Mommy the hugs and kisses are just the same for him. Again “favorite child” idea thrown out the window.
I think that what it really boils down to is that favoritism could be construed because as a parent you love each one of your children, but differently. I love each of my children, not in different amounts, but in different ways because they are different from each other. I know their strengths, I know their weaknesses, I know what they like and what they don’t like. I know how they like to be shown love and I know when not to show them love, like kisses in drop off line at school. Each child is different and therefore needs to be parented differently and loved differently. Try explaining that to the angry child who’s screaming, “It’s because he’s your favorite!”
“No, honey, it’s just that you’re different.”
OK, Bad idea.
Maybe as a parent it’s just best to know that sibling jelousy is going to happen at some point. And someday when they have kids of their own and feed one of them a chocolate covered raisin, they’ll realize that they are not playing favorites, they’re simply bribeing their child to stay quiet.
