The problem with rules is they’re always broken.
I recently got to thinking about our family rules and how we enforce them after I received an e-mail from a long time friend of mine. Woot, woot, to Dato! :-) I hope that these posts will not only help answer some of her questions but maybe help all of us in the constant struggle with trying to raise our kids “the right way”.
I asked my kids yesterday if they knew what our family rules were. My seven years old answered “Be nice” and my five year old said “Don’t hit”. You can obviously see what they have heard most often. :-) The more we talked about it seems that we do have a lot of little rules but they all boil down to one really BIG one: RESPECT. (If I could only figure out how to play the song on my web site!)
We are ultimately trying to teach our children to respect themselves and have respect for other people, their thoughts, things, space and time. Yes, this is a massive concept (even for some adults) but when we break it down into small, age appropriate, lessons it amazingly starts to sink in. For example: My two and a half year old learning that it is disrespectful to throw her brothers toys. My five year old is learning that he needs to respect his older brother’s space (the top bunk bed), even though they share a room. And my seven year old is learning that he needs to respect Mom and Dad’s time in the evening when he’s supposed to be in bed.
It just wouldn’t be a normal day without having to remind our children to respect each other in some way, shape, or form. Our boys don’t always get along, I know big shocker, but we try to teach them that the other person isn’t a “Dummy Head” just because they don’t agree with you. We talk to them about how it is disrespectful to call people names, and even if you don’t agree with them you still need to respect their opinion. At this point my five year old remembers the “don’t call people names” part, but my seven year old is starting to remember the part about respecting others opinions.
When one of our kids gets ‘caught’ being disrespectful I try phrase it exactly like that. “Stop. You’re being disrespectful when you ____________.” I’m sure you can fill in the blank. When it comes to doling out the consequences of their poor choice, we usually default to the time out spot to let them calm down and think about what would have been a better choice (see previous posts about time out). Sometimes that doesn’t weight heavy enough in their minds and they keep “forgetting” about choosing the right. So we have other creative ways of reminding them. For example: When my seven year old called his brother “stupid” he had to turn right around apologize, and give three reasons why he loves his brother. The result: Ego boost to the little brother and a nice reminder to the older brother about why he really does love his little brother. Another example was the time my five year old broke his little sister’s toy. He had to go find a toy of his, that she would like, and give it to her, permanently, to make up for it.
Between all the whining and complaining, and especially the rolling of the eyes, when I talk about respect, I do hope and pray that my kids will learn to be respectful at a young age. One can only hope that they make enough poor choices as kids when the consequences are small and affordable.
